Thoughtless People

**Warning:  this is a soap box post, so if you do not like reading those, my advice is to stop reading now.  🙂 ***

This morning, I was so proud to be able to bring a picture of my son to church and show some of my friends who our new son is going to be.  I cannot post any pictures or information online until we get permission.  So, I printed out a small photo and was just giddy with excitement regarding the new addition to our family….Alex.  My friends and family are so happy for me and I am so glad they are.  I guess it is the random  nosy person who happens to be close or hears our conversation and wants to get in on what is going on — that has been the thorn in my side.  Don’t get me wrong, these people are few and far between.  But when they pop up, it totally catches me off guard.  This morning, I was showing my picture to someone else and a lady sitting close to me looked at it and then proceeded to question me about why we chose an older child, why can’t we have anymore kids?  Why aren’t we going to try to have any more of our ‘own’ kids.  Why did you choose adoption?  I do not mind answering questions about our adoption.  I have talked to several people who are curious about  it.  I certainly don’t mind talking about the process or our decision. I certainly didn’t enter into adoption lightly or without thought.  This has been almost a year in the making.  What irritates me, I guess, is the know-it-all, (inject sarcasm here) you know the who has been with me during this whole  process and helped me fill out the paperwork, compile the dossier.  Yeah, the one who was right by my side last Auguest when we made the decision to adopt and started planning.  Whatever!  She just found out about it today and she is questioning whether we made the right decision and questioning our choice of country, our choice of age.  I was struggling to find something to say.  I was trying to answer her questions, but offended that I had to.  She was holding a picture of MY SON in her hands and she was already making me feel like I made an inferior choice and that if I would have asked her sooner (she has NEVER adopted) that she could have given me some sage advice on the subject…despite all the research I have done, books I have read and adoptive families I have interviewed…yeah…I definitely should have asked HER first.  I almost made that sarcastic remark.  That next time I decided to adopt, that I will call her first to get her permission.  But, thankfully, the gracious lady that was buried waaaaaaaaay deep in me somewhere came out and was kind to her.  It was hard.  Real hard.

Do I have to answer those questions?  Is it rude not to? I think it is rude for someone to ask me about my reproductive plans and question my adoption plans.  Is it not ok anymore to adopt because you just wanted to adopt?  What is the alternative?  That this little boy stay in an orphanage without a mom or dad?  Without someone to love him?  He is well taken care of at the orphanage and seems to be well adjusted and happy.  I am so thankful for that.  I am so thankful that I have the honor to adopt Alex and that he will call me mom.  I am so thankful to God for allowing everything to work out the way it did.  I am so thankful for a husband and daughter who shared the same vision of one day adopting.

So, just for fun, what should I have said?  Help me formulate some answers for nosy people.  Please keep it rated G.  I welcome any humorous responses too and if I really like it, I will use it!  I need a laugh!

Andrea

PS. I posted this here and not on my adoption blog.  I am trying to keep my adoption blog upbeat, positive and happy.  So, I am soapboxing here… 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Thoughtless People

  1. Ok, soapbox it is girl! Has she read the bible because she was sitting next to you at church. THE WORD clearly tells us do not sin, pay our tithes, LOVE all people, visit the FATHERLESS and the widows. “Defend the poor and fatherless do justice to the afflicted and needy”. Defend your baby boy sister. If you dont want to preach to her recommend the book “Orphanology”. Ask her if she was adopted by Jesus Christ because I WAS. I was lost, fatherless, without hope, needy, and then he adopted me to be his child. I took on his name. Therefore, I should be kind and not lash out, but I am flesh and Alex is beautiful. I can’t wait to see the new Warren. Just pray for her and sit by us lol….love you guys!

  2. Well, the person was sitting in FRONT of me today. It was not who you are thinking. The person you are thinking of actually put some balm on my hurt feelings after this other person said those thoughtless things. Wow…I posted it to my waiting child yahoo group and they gave me some great things to say. The first one is: Why do you ask? That usualy gets them to thinking about what they are asking. Some just blunder through questions but they have good intentions, they really want to know. I have some other comebacks, but I won’t post them here…hahaha..

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