OK. Since I am over my upset regarding what I was asked yesterday. I thought it would be fun to keep a list of the funny things that people have asked or said to me. Again, the reason I am not posting this to my adoption blog is because I would really like to keep it positive. I like to soapbox here on my family blog, so here is another post. Some of the things people have asked me I have found humorous. Some things they have said were in very poor taste, pervasive, personal and downright rude. I try to determine why someone wants the information about our adoption. Is it because they are considering adoption? Or are they asking me these questions because they are about to educate me on how they would have done it? Anyway…here is a list of my favorite questions and comments that I have ACTUALLY had to listen to. My first instinct is to be gracious and try to help them understand the process, or understand our decision. However, most of the people who ask these questions are so socially inept and they don’t realize how stupid, rude or unnerving their questions are. Steven says there is no fix for stupid. So, here are the questions. If I hear ANY of them again, I will simply walk away.
1. Why aren’t you having your “own” children? (this one bears no comment)
2. Do you have enough money to pay for that? It is expensive! (DUH)
3. Why are you adopting a child so old, don’t they have any babies? (we asked for that age)
4. My friend applied and it took her five years to get a baby from China, so there is no way you could have gotten a match that quick. (Um, yes there is. We applied for a special needs, waiting child. Your friend applied to adopt a baby that had not even been born yet)
5. Why are you adopting from a communist country? (I am sorry, I didn’t realize they issued communist memberships to two year olds, I will have to make sure his card is revoked before coming back to the US)
6. Why can’t you have anymore? You had Vivian. (This assumes that fertility is the issue, which it is not. We decided to adopt. Do we really have to explain our reasons other than we wanted to adopt? China’s program fit our family’s criteria at this time in our life. It is a possibility as our children get older, that we will look at other countries/programs/ways to adopt)
7. Don’t you think you can find a doctor who will help you have more children? (Sigh…why does everyone want to “fix” me. I don’t want to be fixed…hehe. I am not a dog, nor a cat or an animal. Why do you ask this question? How will the knowledge of how my body works benefit your life? I am not sad about it. I am fine. Again, fertility is not the issue. I have always wanted to adopt and am glad to have the opportunity at this time in my life to be able to adopt).
8. Do you speak Chinese? How will you talk to him? (Yes, I speak Chinese, I can say Ni Hao=hello. Bu=No. and Xie Xie=Thank you. What else do I need to know? I am pretty certain at 2.5 he does not speak very good Chinese either…hehe)
9. It is so much cheaper to adopt in America, why have you not done that? Or found a surrogate mother?
(Who told you it was cheaper to adopt here? Many children available for adoption in the US are above Vivian’s age. If I adopt, I always want to adopt younger than the oldest child in the house. You do not want to upset the birth order in the house. As my kids age, adopting in the US may become a reality, it is not for us at this time. I have checked into adopting from mother’s who are looking for families to adopt their babies. I contacted some firms here in Louisiana. Did you know that it costs $30,000 to adopt from a birth mother or surrogate mother???? Sometimes it is even more if you have to pay for housing or extensive medical bills. The lawyer charges a very large fee and recruits young mothers to give up their babies. I am not comfortable with that. I would prefer to give a waiting child a home. A child already in the orphanage who just needs a family to give him/her a better life. I know people who have done the birth mother thing and I do not question their reasons and I perfectly understand that this was a good fit for their families. That is cool! It just simply was not our choice.)
10. It takes such a SPECIAL person to adopt a SPECIAL child. God bless you.
(Rolling my eyes…..I am soooo sorry, but this does grate my nerves. It doesn’t take a special person, it just takes a person to love these babies. Someone told me that the next time someone tells me that I should say: Well, if he had to wait for people like you, then he would never be adopted. But, alas, that would be a little rude and I have not gotten that tough yet. In our church, school and places that I frequent everyday, I see people that have kids with “special” needs but you would never know it. What China deems special needs and what we deem special needs are night and day. Our baby has a limb difference. In China, he will never be able to get good employment or have a good fulfilling life, he is marked by his limb difference. In America, he is just another kid. I am so thankful to live in America!)
OK, now that all of my friends are reading this and are now scared half to death to say anything to us about our adoption…hehehe…I will assure you that none of you have been insensitive or rude. You have been kind, caring, supportive and loving. I am aiming for the stupid people who will probably never read this. Sigh…probably a futile task. But, it did make me feel better and gave me some laughs this afternoon…remembering some of the silly things people have come up with to ask me. I have not even brought our son into our home yet and I can only shrink to think about all the dumb things people are going to say to his face once he gets here. Beware, it will be mama bear protecting her cub!
Oh well…Happy Memorial Day! I hope you enjoyed it with your family or however you wanted to celebrate it! I thank all of the men and women who died to protect our rights and to protect our great nation. I pray for all the loved ones who have lost family members and friends in the recent wars. May God’s peace rest in your life and may you know that your fellow Americans are thankful for your family or friend’s sacrifice. It will not go unnoticed. It will not go un-thanked. God bless America!
Andrea
Perpetual Renovator 