…one is silver and the other gold.” I remember singing that verse in Brownies (you are a Brownie before you are a Girl Scout. Unfortunately, I did not have the “sharing” spirit, so I never made it to Girl Scouts 🙂 )wondering what in the world it meant. Unfortunately, it has taken my 23 years to figure it out.
Now that I am an adult, I have found it hard to make and maintain friendships. Kids are a whole lot more accepting than adults are. I have always wondered why it was so hard for me? Do people not like me? Do I smell funny? Do I make dumb jokes? Am I boring to talk to? These questions have plagued me for years. Badly enough, it is due to something I have recently figured out.
“Make new friends, but keep the old.” This is good advice! I guess through the eyes of a naive teenager, I always thought my friends would be around and that nothing would change if I ever left. Boy, was I wrong! When I went to college out of state, I did not keep in touch with my friends at home. When I graduated from college, I returned home to find my friends had established separate lives for themselves and moved on. Since I did not remain in touch with them throughout my college years, I found myself irreversibly ousted from their daily lives and thoughts. Basically, I had not been a good friend. Looking back, it was quite egotistical (or naive) of me to think that everyone puts their lives on hold waiting for the day I return and pick up our friendship where we left it off. I found out that it just doesn’t work that way.
I made quite a few friends in college and I thought these friendships would last a lifetime as well. These were my silver friends. When I started college and became immersed in the educational daily grind, I traded my antiquated gold friends for my “new” silver friends. But, it wasn’t long after I arrived home from college and started a career that my new silver friends also returned to their respective homes, found a job, and continued on with their lives as well…trading me in for their familiar gold friends back home. They were wiser than I.
So, now I find myself without my silver or gold friends. What went wrong here? Recently, I found myself hit with a huge wave of nostalgia, pining for my old friends, my home where I grew up, and anything old and familiar. Why does life have to be so complicated? Don’t get me wrong, anyone from Alexandria who is reading this blog, I do like living here and I love my church. I just miss the good ole days of having those heart to heart conversations with your best friend. Being able to walk over to your friend’s house, at any given time, and spill your guts on what happened that day. I miss my friends. I guess I do have a few friends here. They are more or less the conversational kind. Most of the people here have their “gold” friends established already. They all grew up together and don’t have much more room for “silver” friends.
The good thing, though, is that these wonderful things called MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and blogging were invented and after creating accounts, I have reconnected with quite a few of my “gold” friends. Now that I am a little older and wiser, I am hoping to be a better friend. To all of my new silver friends, I hope you will stick around long enough to where one day we can say our friendship is “gold”. I always have enough room for more friends. To all of my old “gold” friends, even though this apology is over ten years past due, I am sorry. I love you all lots! I miss the good ole days and hope to reconnect with you all and most importantly, I promise not to do it again! Cross my heart!
7 thoughts on ““Make new friends, but keep the old….”
I know your feelings all too well. I’ve never been able to make friends easily since elementary school. To this day, I don’t think I can say with much confidence that I have any silver friends, let alone “gold” friends. Online, I make friends pretty easily, but not in person. Wish I could figure that one out…
I am the same way…have lots of friends around the country — online. I think it is the way society is now…we are all hooked on electronics, computers and cell phones so we lose a lot of our social time with real people. The other thing is, you never know who could be an axe murderer or a 9/11 plane pilot anymore. It is hard to know who to trust anymore and that makes us more reclusive.
Well, for what its worth. You and your family are my friends! 🙂
If it makes you feel any better, I don’t have close friendships either… I want to do better. I think hurts cause us to keep people at arm’s length, but isn’t it worth the pain to have really close friends? I love you dearly!!!! …and we missed you this weekend. You’re such a faithful, vital part of POA…sigh… thankful for you… I’m not sure what category I’m in but I’m glad to call you “friend”…
Thanks Deb! I am glad to call you friend too! I missed being there as well. You were the first one to welcome me to POA and to invite me to your house. I will always remember and appreciate that! I love ya girl!!!!!! 🙂
I have to agree with not being able to make friends easily. I’d like to think I still have some from high school, but in all honesty they are more like an acquaintance. As for making new friends, I struggle with that even at church. I’m in my lower 20’s, married, and I have a 2 year old. We just don’t fit in with our age group and the “older” adults see us as young. Shane can relate to this too I know. I’ve really had to accept that my best friend is my husband, Shane, and my little boy!
We have had the same problems. We got married and moved to a different city and started attending a 2k plus member church…It is very hard to fit in. Everyone thinks that everyone else is taking you under their wing, or they expect someone else to be your friend. When I was new in church, I invited several people over to our house and only one couple ever came. About a year later, a lady, old enough to be my mother, invited us over to her house and she was new to the area! I don’t understand that. Also, a lot of the people my age, grew up together, so they don’t really know me well enough, or really care to have anymore friends. So, I know…it is hard! I wonder what we could do? I sure would like to have friends over for BBQ, or just have one to shoot the breeze with now and then. Shame we didn’t live closer! I am sure our families would get along well!
My friends back in New Orleans went through a lot with Katrina and Rita. A lot of their phones were lost and they have new cell numbers and I have not been able to track them down. So….that is out too. 😦
As someone 22 years down the road from you, I just connected with my best friends from high school and college thru Facebook. It has been a blast catching up and sharing laughs over remembered incidents. About like a reunion. Then it settles down after the first flurry of catch up and memory emails.